☆ my old safespace from 2021 - 2023 ☆

^ "you've been reliving those same memories again.
yet you still have hope for something that can't be fixed."

tw for transphobia, suicide + guilt-tripping. in this post, i dive into the trauma i faced while in the chipspeech fandom.
a lot of this doesn't apply anymore, now that i am in the fandom again. however, the yuzu shit has been modified, since i found out something about them.
if you knew me on twitter throughout late 2021 to early 2023, you may know that i had a giant special interest on this thing called chipspeech. if you don't know what that is, it's a program/addon thing that emulates computer-generated voices from the 1900s, usually around the 50s - 80s. one of the voices on chipspeech emulates the first computer-generated voices that was made to sing, and that is in the form of dandy 704!!
i knew about the fandom in 2020, i was an outsider for a while because i was so so scared of being rejected by the main people at the time... eventually i joined in late 2021 and you shouldve seen my face when i found everyone loved my shit!! the first thing i posted to the chipspeech fandom was a drawing of bert gotrax.
on instagram, it was a whiteboardfox drawing:

on twitter, it was something i made for bert's "bertday" (oct 18th is his day!!):

^ why was my art so much better back then!!!

the fandom was great at first!! i became friends with one of my biggest inspirations, chris (or heb, as i call him - heb if you see this, hi!!), i became pretty well known in the fandom (as the fandom was so small), i had many more hyperfixations branch out (COUGH COUGH lil guy the 2st and deejinka), i finally found a space where i felt safe and accepted. at the time i was in the chipspeech fandom, i was in a really rough patch, both personal and for school reasons. drawing vosim (usually fucked up and creepy, or broken and comatose) would almost be an escape from all of that. life was good, man!!
everything was cool... until feb/march 2022. a well known controversial figure tried to sneak herself into the fandom through a half-assed apology (i will not name names. they know who they are). at first, i fell for this, being a little too naive to understand politics at the time (the figure was notorious for transphobia/enbyphobia and a lot other things that'd flood this post if i listed it all). everything was normal at first, until somepoint in march '22, when one of my other friends openly stated they didn't forgive her. uh oh, she didnt seem to take that kindly... her friends went on their ass (the other friend uses they/them), the fandom was a dumpsterfire for ages. but that was only the beginning...

UPDATE 7/11/23: read this post please. turns out i was a victim.
i ended up getting involved in the whole chip shit around june 2022. first half of june, i cut off someone who i found supported that figure. they posted a whole vent about me which broke me entirely (they left the fandom because of me, and for the sake of what the fandom's become, im glad they did. im so glad they escaped the hell before it formed).
this hurt so much...

for context, this person and i used to be friends.
from what i remember, i blocked this person because i found out they supported the controversial figure and her friends, and when i told them, they refused to listen to me. i had a meltdown over this and i blocked them out of panic. i still am haunted by this...

i remember how depressed i was over this, the breakdown came from me being reminded by my ex, me thinking i was in that situation again.
to the person in the tweet: if you're out there, thank you, and sorry.

anyways. end of june, i found that controversial figure had manipulated one of my close friends. from that month onwards, i was pretty much spending my time and energy defending my friends. this really took a huge toll on me, and at a few points i started to get suicidal thoughts.
january '23 was my breaking point, when my close friend almost attempted suicide because of the harassment they recieved from the figure and her friends. after that, with other reasons (the same day it happened i found the fandom was openly accepting a PROSHIPPER.), i completely left the fandom, leaving an angry little note to the fandom.

to this day, i am still reliving shit from that time period. even a few nightmares (not joking about that. i have NIGHTMARES about this). at the same time, 2022 doesnt feel real to me anymore... the only thing that i do that's ""chipspeech"" related is draw lil guy and deejinka. but nowadays, i dont associate them with chipspeech. if they were real they'd both hate the state of that hellhole known as the chipspeech fandom!!
but... on a nicer note, i really wanna thank chris (and your vosim and dee jinks), siobhan (especially you!!), neil, zo (if you read this, you are awesome), bloopy, sticc, tyro and tommy for being with me for the entire chipspeech journey (if i havent mentioned you dont take it personally, i probably dont remember you)... i love and care for you guys so much (/p!) ;__;

out of the iframe?? click here

posted on jul 30th '23 @ 22:45 BST (updated nov 7th '23 @ 14:06 GMT)